This Is My Attempt To Hold On

I am an identical twin.
The connection I share with my twin sister is intense and immediate.

But now, we live over 800 miles apart.

This Is My Attempt To Hold On serves as a visual metaphor for the longing for the undiluted rapport we have when we are together, and the frustrations of communicating with her through a digital device. I am constantly dissatisfied with my attempts to connect with her. I watch myself, my words, and my thoughts become diffused through the pixels.

Growing up, my twin sister and I were inseparable. Now, we live almost 800 miles apart. Separated from her, I feel incomplete. We are mirror image twins. I am righthanded; she is left-handed. I am an artist; she is a scientist. Mirror image twins share a similar closeness that conjoined twins do because, in the womb, if the egg had split at a slightly later point in time, we would have been conjoined. My sister’s and my thoughts and our actions are often synchronized. We have dreamed the same dream before; our strides synch when we walk down the sidewalk; we often complete each other’s sentences.

Being away from her is difficult. Although we try to stay connected through texting, phone calls, and Skype, I usually feel distraught and more distant in these connections. I have learned that in using these devices, we were not truly connecting in the way we once used to. I can see her; I can hear her; but it is not the same. Separated from her, I begin to notice our differences more. We have grown distant, not only in miles but in our communications, consumed by other distractions that appear on the screen when we do reach out to each other.

This project stems mostly from my being a twin. The exploration references our childhood closeness and growing up in the 1990’s watching personal electronics become more and more prevalent. Separation has allowed me to psychoanalyze myself and better understand our likeness, our differences, and how the means of communication in this age play into our twin connection. My work has become a psychological exploration of what it means to be a double in the digital age.