Fear and Desire

What does it mean to connect? There is an innate desire to identify with others to know that we are loved and wanted, that our seemingly insignificant existence is recognized and acknowledged by someone else in an affirmative manner. A sense of belonging is an essential in our forward progress and search for meaning.

Movement is my meditation while photography refines my observational skills and ability to “see” things as they are. I use both processes intuitively to create. My figure dances in front of the camera, then through layering, I piece together figures, light, and shapes that reference my internal dialogue. After several trials and renditions, the final image emerges where the figures exist repeatedly, confined in an interior space overlaid with nature, astrophotographs, or NASA appropriated images.

My work is contemplative, layered, and multifaceted - as are my thoughts, feelings, and existence. Fear and Desire depicts an internalization of pain into hopefulness. This project began in the aftermath of abusive relationships from my past and the loss of other connections that held significance to me. Why is connection something we crave? How can one rise above incredible hurt and overwhelming sense of failure? We seek to justify our existence in other’s eyes because we are not worthy in our own. I see myself in other’s struggles, always searching for their good. My outlook is often positive but every so I often slip into moments of doubt and uncertainty. Undercurrents of deep-seated fears and desires have been driving me forward since adolescent hardships. Sometimes the struggle between these two forces become too overwhelming and I retreat into myself. The project has allowed me to recreate thought patterns surrounding painful memories so I can now rest in a place of clarity.